In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have fence marks all over my body
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
