1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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