oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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