Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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