I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
