just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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