i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize