Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
