U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
