i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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