Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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