You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
