You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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