Define "chronic" masturbator.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My feet surprised me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize