Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
