I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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