I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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