Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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