cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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