he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
