Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
