He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just threw up on my dentist
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
