I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
