Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
