i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize