I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
