I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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