Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
