My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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