I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
