Small penises have feelings too.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
