thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
