The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
