i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
