i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
