why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
