This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
