do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do herpes really smell.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
