you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
