Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When are your genitals available?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
