so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
