So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
