If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
