I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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