the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
