Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
