I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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