I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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