i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
