its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
