Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Come back. Shots need mouths.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
