Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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