i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
