A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
