my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We need to get me chipped asap
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
