awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
