I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
