we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
