haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
