I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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