It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
