It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
