They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
