if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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