so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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