ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
