We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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