ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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