i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I look better un-naked...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
