Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize