No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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