I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
