So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
