I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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