What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
