next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
