I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize