$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
