He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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