Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize