We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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