god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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