Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
