we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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