The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
