i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
