lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize