Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
