Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
