Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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