Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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