you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This baby is an asshole
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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