We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
