thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
