I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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